So why do believes matter in terms of our parenting?
If we do not heal this hurt learned in childhood and get to know our true self we can become easily triggered by our children. They shine a light on our pain, on our unmet needs, our fears that we just are not good enough.
It means that we do not enjoy being parents. We start to create those untrue believes for our children in order to avoid the pain we are carrying. I know countless times personally and professionally when I have worked with children who have come to see me covered in labels about who they are and after spending time with them these labels fall away.
I have also worked with countless of parent. Once we started to explore what was happening with their child and family showed they were carrying huge amounts of grief and shame that they have carried from childhood. Preventing them seeing the goodness in their lives. Once that was acknowledged and started to be felt. The “problem” whether it is behaviours, a diagnosis or a traumatic experience, become easier to manage as it is no longer about assigning blame.
Self-reflection is hard
By addressing our hurts and limiting believes and where they come from we start to be happier and healthier in ourselves. We create healthier happier connections with our children and importantly mirror a true version of the real beauty and awesomeness that they are rather than a reflection of pain. We break the cycle and become a unit, a safe place to call home.
Get to understand your beliefs
Write a list of all the believes that come to your mind
- is it true?
- How do you know – what is the source
- declare it is not true and look for alternative evidence
- imagine being free of believe, what would your life look like?
- replace the believe with something positive that counteracts limiting belief
- find evidence for the new belief
- become conscious of you behaviours relating to your belief and stop in its track turn it around
This work on yourself can be painful and hard so you need to fill yourself with compassion and love.
If you need support with this or any issue impacting your family why not book in for a free consultation.