I am a big fan of letting children be children exploring and learning for themselves, rather than “teaching” children to be mini adults. But we do have a huge and vital role in teaching our children the foundations of what will later become their outlook on life, and if we do this from a place of pain or being triggered we could unconsciously set a child up to have low self worth and value others time and time again above themselves.
How often do we as parents consciously think about the values we pass to the children around us? We all want our children to grow up to have “good” morals but to we think about what that actually means. Do you actually live the values you think you have or is there a mismatch in your behaviour?
We don’t often think about and review our values and beliefs. I thought I had a strong values but a few years ago when I focused deeper at my priorities my behaviour highlighted a difference. I had actually lost boundaries and was allowing standards and behaviours around me that I would not accept for my friends or present myself. Our values show through every aspect of our world. The way we talk to ourselves, others, what we commit to, the way we take care of ourselves etc.
Values are the pivotal force that motivates our behaviours and as such have a huge influence on our parenting. The biggest part of conscious parenting a child of any age is self reflection and wondering about our own whys. Our values can be negative in that we would do almost anything to avoid feeling a certain way such as abandoned or rejected or positive. Importantly they are something we can create and redesign.
What are values?
- standards of behaviour
- what we judge to be important
- affect our behaviour and character
- relate to day to day life
- examples are: loyalty, fairness, courage, respect,
What does this mean to you, how you parent?
I want you to try this exercise and see if you surprise yourself.
- Make a list of your values..
- Reflect in the last 3 months what has been most important to you? our priorities can change given our circumstances.
- I want you to number them in order of importance.
- Pick your top 3
- Try and be conscious this week about how you show it and if you see them in your child’s behaviour.
What values do you want to pass on to your children now that you are aware of yours? are there any you want to change. How will your child sees the world now and future?
If you have older children this is powerful exercise to do together at some stage. Its also a really good way to keep on track. I often think is this behaviour authentic, kind and joyful and let things go that don’t really matter to my core values of what I want my child to feel.
Thankfully my values are now aligned again and yours can be too. If you want to delve deeper in a supported space into how you can change your family live and become conscious in your parenting why not send me a message.